Party In The USA

Party Hat

Party HatThere’s no better way to introduce this “job” than through the words of our submitter, R.K., when asked if he/she had anything else to say about this ad:

“Just, what the hell is she talking about?”

What indeed, Mister or Miss R.K. What indeed.

Party Locater Job

Oh, hello Natalie. Hey, quick question for you, when you have a second… WHAT IN THE HOLY HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! Every sentence of this job post is like its own tiny Rubik’s Cube. Only significantly less colorful, and made of stupidity instead of plastic.

Your “large team” of WHAT? Softball players? Horses? Champions?

What kind of “party”? Costume? Communist? Tea?

On initial review, there seem to be three possibilities:

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OMG Dream Job!

OMG Lolcat

 

ZOMG YOU GUYS! It has finally happened! A job has been offered!

OMG Lolcat

Now, I’m no mathmagician (that’s what professional math-doers are called right?) but I’d put the statistical probability of finding a job posting INTENDED for job seekers WHO ARE ALSO seeking for employment at about… I dunno… one in a kabillion? That sounds right. Like finding a pearl in an oyster, or a shirt from Forever 21 that doesn’t disintegrate when sunlight hits it.

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Almost Famous

Almost Famous

This is just… sad.


“Band Looking For Girls” –  great band name.

“Band Looking For Girls” – great memoir name.

“Band Looking For Girls” – heartbreaking job posting name.

The question that immediately comes to mind is: how unbelievably shitty must your band be that you have to ADVERTISE for groupies (or girlfriends?) Something is very wrong here. This ad was posted in Los Angeles, a city filled with millions of people who fit your precise, exacting specifications (that rare breed: girls who want to “have fun” and “meet new people”). Come on. It’s HOLLYWOOD. At least 20% of the girls in question undoubtedly have yet to work through the insecurity, narcissism, body image and daddy issues that brought them to that great city! In other words: they are ideal candidates. So what is the hold up, fellas? You shouldn’t be able to walk two steps from your filthy shared apartment without tripping over girls to exploit. They’re L.A.’s number one import! And export!

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May You Live In Interesting Times

Thanks to Avoid This Job reader Jessica, we have new sadness to add to our The Kids Are Not Alright category:

Let’s cut right to the chase here:

WHAT IN THE HELL DOES “INTERESTING COMPENSATION” MEAN?

Are you actually trying to sound like a molestation factory? Or the front for a child slavery ring? Because it doesn’t sound good. At all. Phrases like “the shooting last about three hours” are not helping.

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What A Weird Question

Avoid The Noid

Job Posting Rule #47: if you’re going to ask a question in the subject line of your job post, it’s best to be fairly certain that the most likely answer isn’t a confused: “Huh? Umm… no.”

Huh? Umm… no.

Job Posting Rule #62: If you’ve already broken rule #47, don’t begin the ad by breaking it again.

Huh? Umm… No.

What? Why are you arguing with me? Are we in a fight now?

Look: I do NOT want to sell pizza bags, and it does NOT sound like fun. AT ALL. I mean, saying the phrase itself is fun: Pizza Bags. Pizza Bags. Pizza Bags! THAT is fun. And oddly gross… kinda evokes an image of giant, soggy sacks filled with dozens of greasy lukewarm pizzas… pizza bags!

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