There’s no better way to introduce this “job” than through the words of our submitter, R.K., when asked if he/she had anything else to say about this ad:
“Just, what the hell is she talking about?”
What indeed, Mister or Miss R.K. What indeed.
Oh, hello Natalie. Hey, quick question for you, when you have a second… WHAT IN THE HOLY HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! Every sentence of this job post is like its own tiny Rubik’s Cube. Only significantly less colorful, and made of stupidity instead of plastic.
Your “large team” of WHAT? Softball players? Horses? Champions?
What kind of “party”? Costume? Communist? Tea?
On initial review, there seem to be three possibilities:
Possibility One – You are A Crazy, teaching yourself to type by posting vague and meaningless craigslist ads over and over and over again. Perhaps ’tis you behind some other ATJ favorites? If so, thanks, and keep up the good, super-weird work.
Possibility Two – You are a optimistic, yet lonely woman, longing to make some sort of social connection. You want to LIVE, don’t you Natalie? Every morning you sit in your dingy kitchen, listening to a worn and scratched Whitney Houston record on repeat, and slowly lip-syncing the words to yourself in a compact mirror. For just one moment in time, where you’re more than you thought you could be! When all of your dreams are a heartbeat away!
And so you need to be invited to a party, because the ones your cats throw for you are no longer cutting it. Sure, they know their roles…they got the overall gist, once you forced them into those tiny suits and soaked their Fancy Feast in vodka. But their hearts were never really in it, were they, Natalie? And so you came up with an idea… a gauzy, shimmery idea: you would hire a party “locater[sic]”! Your large team of consultants (Mr. Paws, Cinnamon and Kitty Fantastico) won’t mind… not for just one night! Not if they know how much it means! And they do. They know it more than you do.
And so godspeed, Natalie. May you find all the parties you seek. May you live the life you’ve imagined.
Possibility Three – You are a debt collector, looking to hire stay-at-home moms to do the only hard part of your job, for a measly twenty bucks. On commission. BO-RING… a teeny bit evil, but mostly just dull. Like TV’s “Two and Half Men,” or shoplifting housewares from Ross Dress For Less. It’s almost not worth the effort.
If Possibility Two is in play, we encourage you to go ahead and TAKE this job. Natalie needs your help. Otherwise, stay-at-home Moms and everyone else… as always, avoid this job.
(pic via CatParty)