Party In The USA

Party HatThere’s no better way to introduce this “job” than through the words of our submitter, R.K., when asked if he/she had anything else to say about this ad:

“Just, what the hell is she talking about?”

What indeed, Mister or Miss R.K. What indeed.

Party Locater Job

Oh, hello Natalie. Hey, quick question for you, when you have a second… WHAT IN THE HOLY HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! Every sentence of this job post is like its own tiny Rubik’s Cube. Only significantly less colorful, and made of stupidity instead of plastic.

Your “large team” of WHAT? Softball players? Horses? Champions?

What kind of “party”? Costume? Communist? Tea?

On initial review, there seem to be three possibilities:

Possibility One –  You are A Crazy, teaching yourself to type by posting vague and meaningless craigslist ads over and over and over again. Perhaps ’tis you behind some other ATJ favorites? If so, thanks, and keep up the good, super-weird work.

Possibility Two – You are a optimistic, yet lonely woman, longing to make some sort of social connection. You want to LIVE, don’t you Natalie? Every morning you sit in your dingy kitchen, listening to a worn and scratched Whitney Houston record on repeat, and slowly lip-syncing the words to yourself in a compact mirror. For just one moment in time, where you’re more than you thought you could be! When all of your dreams are a heartbeat away!

And so you need to be invited to a party, because the ones your cats throw for you are no longer cutting it. Sure, they know their roles…they got the overall gist, once you forced them into those tiny suits and soaked their Fancy Feast in vodka. But their hearts were never really in it, were they, Natalie? And so you came up with an idea… a gauzy, shimmery idea: you would hire a party “locater[sic]“! Your large team of consultants (Mr. Paws, Cinnamon and Kitty Fantastico) won’t mind… not for just one night! Not if they know how much it means! And they do. They know it more than you do.

And so godspeed, Natalie. May you find all the parties you seek. May you live the life you’ve imagined.

Possibility Three –  You are a debt collector, looking to hire stay-at-home moms to do the only hard part of your job, for a measly twenty bucks. On commission. BO-RING… a teeny bit evil, but mostly just dull. Like TV’s “Two and Half Men,” or shoplifting housewares from Ross Dress For Less. It’s almost not worth the effort.

If Possibility Two is in play, we encourage you to go ahead and TAKE this job. Natalie needs your help. Otherwise, stay-at-home Moms and everyone else… as always, avoid this job.

Cat Tea Party
(pic via CatParty)

 

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18 Responses to Party In The USA

  1. Carrie says:

    My first thought was strippers. I thought maybe she was a type of pimp. Or maybe tupperware.

  2. How did you know my stripper name was “Kitty Fantastico”?!

  3. Violet says:

    Maybe Natalie is a drug dealer with no clients. A very bad dealer who needs to find some inebriated people with impaired judgement, pronto.

  4. Kelly says:

    Yup, Tupperware, or Mary Kay, or some other multi-level marketing thing. Natalie is looking for someone to delegate her cold-calling to. :/

  5. Zoe says:

    hahaha if you’re looking for REAL job listings I recommend using Trovit.com :) But these are much more amusing, keep ‘em coming!

  6. Cathilpalmer says:

    Ooh! Everybody loves SPAM!

  7. So MANY possibilities here…
    First, Natalie oughta know the party’s always “in the back”
    Second, she needs parties for her “large team” – I’m picturing the LA Raiders
    Third, is a stay-at-home mom really suitable to locate parties? I’m thinking someone with more mobility (especially on a Saturday night)
    Finally, the ‘script’: dial – “hello?” – “Yeah, uh, is there a party or anything going on there?” – “nope” – “oh, okay, thanks” – hang up.

  8. TheEclecticSlide says:

    * applauds *

  9. Angie K says:

    Are you ever coming back???

  10. AvoidThisJob says:

    Yes! Soon(ish). It has been a busy few months….

  11. Angie K says:

    YAY!!!!!!

  12. Just found you via Networked Blogs. Looking forward to your return.

  13. KB says:

    Please come back! I have a blog called The Quarter Life Crisis at kbtheqlc.blogspot.com and I want to add a link to your site! Most of my friends hate their jobs and reading your posts makes me so happy that at least I don’t have to apply to these jobs!

  14. Julie Herrick says:

    It’s very obvious to me that this is about Mary Kay, Tupperware, Pampeered Chef, Cookie Lee Jewelery, or something of that nature. I have several friends who are stay-at-home-moms who have started these kinds of businesses and are always trying to book parties. Like someone else said, this lady is trying to outsource her cold calling. If you read it from that angle, the job description actually makes sense, (but it’s still a grammar and punctuation nightmare.)

  15. Secure Hosting says:

    Or is it possible that Natalie was under the influence when she wrote this? I do not understand people on Craigslist sometimes. With Job Ads also costing a sum of money to post, you would think they would look over what they write before they post it.

  16. Venus says:

    Umm…$20 per party? Cold-calling? Something in the milk is not clean.

  17. Mikey says:

    Craigslist is chock full of losers and nutjobs. You can tell job ads are all BS when there’s no legitimate company name or contact info listed.

  18. Blorp says:

    “party” = sales lead for ‘Glengarry Glen Ross’ type sales group which finds one sucker and repeat-scams them.

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