Ah, the exclamation point! Admittedly not the most versatile of all punctuation, but the exuberant little fellow has its time and place, and is certainly beloved by AvoidThisJob.
Let’s have a brief refresher, shall we?
Things Exclamation Points Suggest
- Innocent enthusiasm!
- Amazing deals!
Things Exclamation Points Do NOT Suggest
And so it probably seems self-evident that job listings (and, by extension, resumés and cover letters) are NOT a great place for the exclamation point to make its presence truly felt. And yet…
….. a better question would be: who DOESN’T?!! This offer (so generous. SO generous!) combines every 18-24 year old girl’s favorite things: multiple exclamation points, bad grammar, money, and (obviously) the moist touch of a craigslist stranger.
Tell me more!!
Ooh, me, me! I want to gets paid for it!!! That in no way sounds degrading or inappropriate!!! May I ask: what prompted this outpouring of exclamation points and generosity???
ZOMG WHAT COULD BE BETTER?!?
Now that I know that you aren’t a professional I feel TOTALLY safe in your undoubtedly doughy, unskilled, amateur hands. I assume this transaction will take place in your trailer/abandoned warehouse by the train tracks/hourly hotel room? Perfect! This whole offer honestly just keeps sounding better and better… am I missing something? Did I read correctly?
Well, sir, I am SOLD. This sounds like an amazing moneymaking opportunity for me! It’s actually kinda cool, all I have to do to get paid is be young, female, and horizontal??? Wow, you know, it’s kinda SURPRISING nobody has thought of this as a job before! It’s such a good idea, you’d think it would be, like, the oldest profession in the world or something! But I guess not!!
Anything else I should know? This seems totally on the up-and-up, you have a GREAT business plan in place, and you’re obviously not at all strange or dangerous, but I wondered if you had anything to add?
Of course! I TOTALLY have pics of myself and would love nothing more than to send them to you. I will also enclose my social security number, so you can fill out all the necessary paperwork, of course. Only a crazy person would avoid this job!
- The super-specific 18-24 age-requirement. “I’d better make sure they’re legal! But just barely, and thus hopefully not old enough to have developed wrinkles, cellulite, or a robust sense of self-preservation and dignity!”
- While all of the exclamation points are, of course, a delight, the ones following the second sentence are especially bizarre. As if the exclamation point is so powerful a punctuation mark, it can transform any statement from horrifying to charming through sheer force of will, like a written rictus grin.
Thank you to our submitter, John Zeiss, who used both the words “skeevy” and “nauseating” to describe this job post. YOU WERE NOT WRONG, JOHN!!!!!!!
(Click here for the full job description in all its glory, and take care to note the “compensation”…)