Pygmalion Comes To Craigslist

Goes from funny, to creepy, to downright disturbing in just three lines! Who could ask for more?

Highlights:

  • Why the quotation marks around ‘sculpture’?! It’s the wrong word, yes, but clearly the poster doesn’t know that or else they would… you know… change the word. Thusly the quotation marks must indicate that the “sculpture” could be something even more sinister. Fantastic.

  • The casual, dismissive attitude towards specifics. “I can tell you more about this later”. Oh, really? Why not tell me about it now? In the job posting you wrote. The job posting that exists for the express purpose of telling me about the job.¬†Unfortunately, vague job postings inevitably lead to even vaguer “interviews”: “Oh, hey, thanks for coming… yeah… listen, I can tell you about the job stuff in a bit… in the meantime, could you just drink this strangely cloudy beverage and then climb into the back of my van and lie down on that dirty mattress? That’d be great. Thanks.”
  • If, at any point during my lifetime, I see a sculpture come to life and start making “very small complex shaped objects with their hands,” please feel free to kill me, because clearly it is the End of Days. I don’t need to be around to see what else those hands (and that complex object) can do. In the meantime, I’d like living sculptures (and everyone else) to avoid this job.

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5 Responses to Pygmalion Comes To Craigslist

  1. Kevin says:

    Hahaha! You are hilarious… I love that you need to be both a “sculpture” AND someone who likes to work with their hands.
    “Looking for a doctor… who likes giving out medicine.”

  2. Chris Hoke says:

    That’s beautiful. I am getting a pretty clear Lionel-Richie-and-the-song-“Hello”-vibe here.
    “Just go and start sculpturing(sic) and I’m going to stand over here and, err, supervise. Now do it sexier. No, sexier. A little sexier. Now pour that gallon of milk on yourself. That’s right. You filthy bitch.”

  3. “I can tell you more about this later”. Sure, after you are chloroformed, bound and gagged!

  4. d says:

    My instinct is that people send in pictures of their dong and the “sculpture” makes ceramic dildos in the likeness of said dong.

  5. greg says:

    that’s probably what it is lol

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