Cake Boss


Cake Boss

So here’s what I (your hypothetical ideal candidate) bring to the table:

  • 2-4 years of a culinary school education and/or a college degree
  • A “creative mind”
  • Professional baking skills
  • Professional cake decorating skills

What you (the anonymous collective “we” with no cited culinary experience or background) bring to the table:

  • A nameless location
  • Random “baking supplies”

Right. And then I, a creative, culinary-school-educated chef, go ahead and do… what’s that, you say? Oh, all of the work? Start to finish? Beginning to end?  Well.. OK! OK, that seems more than fair. I mean, what do you know about cakes or baking, right? Hahaha! Nothing!

So we’re set, then. I’ll bring 100% of the knowledge, do 100% of the work, and then give you 50% of the money. I’ll just hand it over to you, no strings attached, and with absolutely zero effort or contribution on your part. Oh, but you got flour! And all those priceless baking supplies. So I’ll just pay off my culinary school loans with the sack of sugar and the used rolling pin you helped me “get started” with.

Sounds great! See you Monday at your “location!”


  • The sudden jump to a jarring and random all-caps “CAKE” in the middle.
  • The equally jarring, if somewhat less random, “BIG” that follows.

Does it really need to be said? Probably. So, yeah, chefs and cake-bakers… avoid this job.

The Cake Is A Lie


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3 Responses to Cake Boss

  1. Kevin says:

    Haha! Love their breakdown of fifty percent, complete with helpful example….

  2. James says:

    “cake” is also slang for cocaine.
    Sounds like a coded posting for those ever-vigilant cocaine-slanging, craigslist job board-cruisin young “bakers”.

  3. Lynn says:

    Ugh I hate when they want the applicant to have all the skills, transportation, tools including their own costumes, equipment, software or whatever, to do a given job. If someone has everything to offer a service, he should be advertising his freelance services and setting his own terms, not answering your ad. Great blog!

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