Toto, I’ve A Feeling We’re Not In Kansas Anymore

Many thanks to the anonymous AvoidThisJob reader who submitted today’s lovely gem (you can submit a job listing too!) which they point out would have been better titled “I NEED SOMEONE TO COMMIT A FELONY ASAP########” Alas, there is no truth in advertising.

 

Let’s start with the obvious.

Sooo… you lost your diploma in a tornado. In Kansas. Alright. I’ll assume that this was the very same tornado that also broke the ‘caps lock’ on your keyboard?

In any case, let me give you some advice: in future postings, leave out the whole “tornado” detail. If you absolutely must mention it, remove any and all references to that tornado happening in Kansas. Because even if your story is true, it simply sounds (to any sane reader) as if it is astonishingly untrue.

Highlights:

  • The caveman-style affirmation in the compensation field (“yes pay $$$”), as if the ‘caps lock’ key miraculously became unstuck, but took with it the ability to form whole sentences
  • A sociology degree. How odd. Is this ad simply a social experiment for someone’s senior thesis? “How Low Can You Go: Crisis, Crime and Craigslist”
  • The spastic pound signs/hash marks in the subject line. Either the poster’s obese cat lay down on the keyboard just before they submitted the listing, or “##########” means “URGENT!” in the ancient tongue of Kansasian.

Creating a fake diploma is a felony in several states. Unless you are willing to go to jail for an unemployed Sociology major who will (theoretically) “yes pay $$$”… avoid this job.

Wizard of Oz Diploma

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7 Responses to Toto, I’ve A Feeling We’re Not In Kansas Anymore

  1. megan says:

    awesome. just awesome.

  2. mary says:

    why would he need a physical diploma? wouldn’t an employer just call the school to confirm?

  3. L says:

    Right around the part of “Master of Tornado Science” was where I lost it. This whole site is total epic win, thank you for being the voice in my head!

  4. Pure genius on so many levels.

  5. Swistle says:

    I’m with Mary: I have an actual legally-obtained diploma, and I’ve never had to show it to anyone. Well, except for one friend who needed it to scan it so he could make a copy with his own name on it.

  6. sunshine says:

    I love this site!

  7. Jeremy says:

    You missed the last line, “I MADE A REQUEST TO GET IT FROM MY SCHOOL AND IT IS TAKING TO LONG”
    Taking to long? I guess basic English and grammar are not a prerequisite to earning a manufactured B.A.

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