HI WHY ARE WE YELLING

Looking for a waitressing, bartending or other food/beverage/hospitality type job in South Florida? If so, I’d like to say how sorry I am about that, for a variety of reasons, not least of which is job posts like this one. Hope you’re feeling extra hospitable!

HI, YOU ARE CREEP, ALSO I DO NOT HAVE PANTIES WITH HEALING PROPERTIES! BUT IF YOU FIND SOME LET ME KNOW BECAUSE I BET THE ARMY WOULD WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT, THEY LOVE WEIRD TECH STUFF LIKE THAT, DID YOU SEE THE ROBOTS THEY MADE TO TEST ARMOR THEY WERE REAL CREEPY JUST LIKE YOU! ALSO I AM UNSURE HOW I WOULD “WEAR” FUN BUT SOMETHING TELLS ME IT WOULD BE BOTH PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY UNCOMFORTABLE AND WOULD LIKELY LEAVE MARKS ON MY BODY AND ALSO ON MY SOUL. LET’S GET STARTED!

One thing about which you were not wrong,  job poster: This is some serious cry-teria. Ho-oh! Hey-ey! HOLLA! RIMSHOT, BOOM, MIC DROP, SEACREST OUT.

But the pay ain’t (too) bad! Which puts you above 97% of ATJ posts. That said: there are many, many, MANY moist and musty recesses of the internet for you to post jobs that require Silkwood showers at the end of the day just to hose off the sticky, fragrant combination of massage oil, pine-sol and regret. Alas,  the Food/Beverage/Hospitality job category is not one of them. But best of luck to you in your noble and chivalrous quest, please just move it on over to the appropriate channels, as your average job-seeker is going to want to Avoid This Job.

Petman Did Not Avoid This Job

(Many thanks to our submitter Ayesha! And don’t forget, you can submit a job too.)

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5 Responses to HI WHY ARE WE YELLING

  1. Kschenke says:

    SAME PAY…. that you don’t actually include in the ad.

    yyyyep

  2. newgate says:

    I think “40 HR/ 3 Hr Days” is supposed to suggest he’s offering $40 an hour and wants three hours of work per day. Which should be just enough time to lure a naive new employee into his soundproof hidden room.

  3. katie. says:

    Please, please update this.

  4. Valya says:

    Why do all the best blogs have to die? Sigh.

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