This post was singlehandedly responsible for the creation of a new AvoidThisJob category, entitled simply: “Ew.”
- Why “today?” What is the rush? WHAT COULD POSSIBLY BE THE RUSH ON THIS?
- You need a “professional” what? Deep bed cleanser? Did you have a fever dream and confuse it with real life? Because that profession does not exist.*
- Perhaps the most important thing to note here is the repeated use of the word “cleanse” instead of “clean.” While it is perhaps technically appropriate, “cleansed” suggests a certain evil and/or fleshy quality one does not (normally) associate with mattresses.
Things That Are Typically “Cleansed”
Things That Are Typically “Cleaned”
- Statistical probability that the above-referenced “stains, ect” include blood spatter, semen, vomit, bile or some combination? 100%. Seriously. It doesn’t take a supercomputer to work out the numbers: Ziggy, Deep Thought & Hal 9000 all agree on a statistical probability of 100%. You want to try to tell yourself this guy has two mattresses that require a “thorough deep cleansing” due to a glitter glue mishap at his monthly scrapbooking party? Go right ahead. But you know the truth. Deep down in your uncleansed soul, you know it.
Run, do not walk, and avoid this job.
* Wait, DOES that profession exist? If so where, why, and how much is a “deep bed cleanser” paid? Whatever it is, it can’t be nearly enough.