Doggie Day Care

This is quite possibly the greatest job listing this blog has ever seen. Best enjoyed when read aloud, with a somber and dramatic flair; think James Earl Jones meets your high school drama teacher.

(click to enlarge image)

Creepy Dog Walker Job
Right? Imagine, for example, James Lipton of ‘Inside The Actors Studio’ delivering lines like “Walk the most cutest male Pomeranian…!” It is the stuff dreams are made of.

Highlights:

  • The link to not only his Facebook page, but also a barren IMDB page with a single producer’s credit. Job poster: Was this part of a mission to make you seem more like a professional, and less like a creepy weirdo? Because I hate to break it to you, sir, but… MISSION FAILED.
  • The insistence that it is the dog who is demanding a “very cute and sexy girl.” Again, is this an attempt to seem less gross? Do you think that anthropomorphizing your Pomeranian into some sort of flirtatious Lothario makes you seem less scary? Because it does not. At all.

  • Any Pomeranian that is being walked for three hours straight is going to disintegrate. Its tiny legs will collapse in on themselves, crumbling to dust like mummy bones.

Nobody in their right mind is going to pay someone $90/day just to walk their miniature dog. Which leaves us with the possibility that this man is not, in fact, in his right mind. Or perhaps that this job requires more than described. Or most likely, some horrifying combination of the two.

What do you think happened to the “last girl?” The one who was leaving Rocky in the car? Maybe “Rocky” got very upset with her. “Rocky” told her she was a bad girl. Very bad girl. You don’t want to see “Rocky” lose his temper…

Don’t be an idiot. Avoid this job.

Terrifying Dog Face

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6 Responses to Doggie Day Care

  1. Emily says:

    “Any Pomeranian that is being walked for three hours straight is going to disintegrate. “— what I saw on the sign at my dog park.

  2. Danielle says:

    From the poster’s qualification description, adjective use, and from the disproportionate pay that this job gets, I have concluded that Rocky is not a dog, but rather a hairy, hyper-active porn-star/actor that the film producer needs to occupy in between takes.
    He never once said his Pomeranian was a dog, just a Pomeranian…which according to Wikipedia could be any number of peoples. Sly, very sly…

  3. bearface says:

    aren’t all craigslist postings publicly available? this site is great but i don’t see a reason why you can’t link to the posts or have to censor them. just my 2 cents.

  4. AvoidThisJob says:

    I don’t link to the actual posts because the links would be broken within a couple of weeks, when the posting expires. BUT, you are right. There is not really a need to black out the dates and locations. I think at first I was attempting to give the posters some modicum of privacy in the midst of the mockery. It made me feel a teensy bit less guilty about eviscerating their ads. But of course, the All Seeing Eye of Google kind of makes “privacy” impossible. I will probably keep doing it anyway though (at least the locations), because I am a creature of habit…

  5. LC says:

    But I think I would be perfect for this job. How else could I possibly get a hold of this guy?

  6. greg says:

    one question… if you have 3 hours to waste between 12pm and 3pm… how can you afford to have your own car… and if you can afford it if you work midnights or late afternoons, then why on God’s green earth would you ever consider wasting your life on applying for this creepy job…. like yeah, the “DOG” wants an attractive female right, and I guess your Speilberg buddy

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