But thanks to an anonymous reader submission, it looks like we have some new delights to add to the “Do You Even Know What Words Mean?!” pile. Let’s jump right in!
Dear Job Post & Posters,
What. The. Hell? We were only two words in to this job listing when everything started to go haywire. You went from zero to INSANE in less than two sentences, which is admittedly impressive, though probably not in the way you were hoping. It’s also possible someone in your HR department is some sort of Cher fanatic, but you might want to tell them to leave that for their blog/shrine/private time.
The whole first paragraph of this ad is positively overflowing with crazy (from the strange and unnecessary epistolary style, to the word choice throughout) but that last sentence is a work of true madness. It reads like the padded-room musings of the mentally disturbed, or else the ramblings of a highly verbal 4-year old when asked what he wants to be when he grows up. Captain! Chief! Builder!
From the title, it looked like this was a job post looking for interactive designers, but now it seems like it may be some sort of career fair for unemployed gypsies? It is unclear. Maybe the next paragraph will clarify.
Wow. Well, that clarified… absolutely nothing. It merely made what had previously seemed like a misguided metaphor (band of thieves!) sound like a strange, literal requirement. What kind of bizarre interactive agency are you running that you are seeking out “killer thieving” employees? One can only imagine your client list… (Cyberdyne Systems. Aperture Science. Blue Sun. Blackwater. Microsoft.) Wheee! All aboard, thieves and killers, it’s evil-doin’ time! Get ready to peddle and dream and broadcast… EVIL!
But besides peddling, dreaming and broadcasting skills, what kind of abilities must all those thieving, homicidal nomadic designers have?
You want your employees to have a “hilarious attitude towards crazy deadlines.” Huh. Really? Because if, for example, every time a deadline approached, my coworker shaved his/her head bald then pantsed our boss whilst singing ‘Buffalo Gals’ off-key… that would be pretty hilarious. Not necessarily productive. But odd and hilarious. The first couple of times, at least. Then I’d want him to at least change-up his song choice, or hair-removal method/location. But still, what a hilarious attitude towards deadlines!
That’s really cool that you don’t discriminate between young and old. I mean, sure, if you did discriminate you’d be violating a federal law enacted four decades ago, but still! It’s nice that you pointed it out.
There are more little gems to be found in the full job post, so be sure to take a look. But in the meantime, allow the preceding paragraphs to broadcast this killer information: you should avoid this job.