Working in any capacity for the uber-rich is a tough gig, and that goes double for being a personal assistant (AKA Scapegoat/Slave/Den Mother/Shrink). Expectations are high, with little room for error.
To be a great personal assistant, you’ve got to have thick skin; emotionally bullet-proof is ideal. Do people often say you appear to be robotic, almost dead inside? Perfect! Put that whole ‘inability to feel’ thing to work FOR you for once, Ol’ Dead Eyes! Light typing, filing, organizing… and getting screamed at. For money! Because even in a recession, the truly wealthy still have cash to throw around, so at least you’ll be paid well. Er… right?
1) Dear High End Family: Abstractions, locations and inanimate objects can be described as “high end.” Families can not. Possible exceptions:
- The King Midas Family (literally made of money)
- The Mr. Peanut Family. (Presuming they all wear the monocle, spats and top hat. Even the baby. ESPECIALLY the baby. Otherwise, no.)
2) You are a well-to-do family living in Bel Air (one assumes your street-wise nephew will be arriving from West Philly any day now) and yet you are only offering to pay someone $8/hr? To be your personal assistant, nanny and petsitter? Wow. Well, at least the hours are reasonab– oh, what’s that? The hours are NOT AT ALL reasonable, and in fact you have some sort of delusional belief that you can pay someone minimum wage (only for the hours they work) and expect them to be “on call 24 hours”? Cool. Hey, on an unrelated note: how’s the rest of the Scrooge family doing? Oh, just chillin’, miser-style, oppressin’ workers, ruinin’ Christmas…? Cool, cool.
- Complete lack of punctuation of any kind in the opening sentence, PLUS EVERYTHING IN ALL CAPS, followed by a random backslash. Inability to proofread/write basic sentences? OR… this ad was typed by the current assistant! IT IS A CODED CRY FOR HELP! THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE! \
- The bizarre additional $10/week for “gas”. Um… thanks? I look forward to driving around the block once every two days, thanks to your generosity.
Hey everyone, ever: avoid this job.