Spider Sense

Spider SenseSpiderman is a pretty lucky guy. Granted, maybe not so much the day he was bitten by a radioactive spider in a freak accident at a science exhibition. That probably kind of sucked (your lab has enough money for a particle accelerator but not for a exterminator? Come on. That’s just slovenly.) But to be fair that was really Peter Parker’s crappy day, not Spiderman’s. And actually, it worked out pretty well for him in the end.

Wall-crawling, super-strength… all pretty cool. But the spider sense is really the prize. He can “sense danger” and has almost precognitive abilities! So vague. So awesome. So irritating if you are trying to plan him a surprise party. So what does this have to do with avoiding jobs?

Well, one quick read of this job posting should get ANYONE’S spider sense tingling like crazy. And not a fun tingle, rather a “this ad smells distinctly of Axe body spray and roofies” kind of alarm.

Hey ladies, you know how dressing slutty, then squeezing into a car with five drunk dudes you’ve never met is a recipe for safe, wholesome good times? Oh, right, no. No it is not. Hey, but at least you are putting your headshot to good use! Welcome to Hollywood: Where Dreams Come To Die/Get Date Raped.

BEST case scenario this night ends with everyone getting too drunk to continue making horrifically inappropriate comments. You enjoy a brief period of NOT being sexually harassed while they vomit all over their Ed Hardy t-shirts and pass out in a sea of red bull and regret. That is BEST case. Worst case is… a lot worse.

Avoid this job.

(thanks to Jessica R. for the submission!)

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3 Responses to Spider Sense

  1. Brian says:

    HA! I was expecting someone looking for a driver with spider sense; a personal valet able to anticipate their client’s every automotive need. This is much funnier.

  2. Andrew says:

    I am reminded of Camille Paglia

  3. Olivia says:

    When it says ‘super easy’, do they mean the woman, or driving the car? And doesn’t this sound like the ‘fun/nice group’ should just hire a prostitute? I don’t know how much one would charge, but aren’t they used to this sort of thing?

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