So That’s Why They Call It A Crackberry…

Highlights:

• The seemingly sincere use of mind-boggling phrases like ”texting duties” and ”texting responsibilities.”
• The somber, professional tone of the last line. “Serious inquiries only.” Sadly, this is an impossible request, job poster. Things that are statistically more likely than you getting a “serious inquiry” in response to this ad:

• The world ending in a massive nuclear holocaust within the week (22% more likely)
• The series of tubes that power the internet breaking, leaving us with access only to TMZ.com and a small collection of unsettlingly specific porn sites. (37% more likely)
• Opening your hall closet and finding a talking unicorn with captivating violet eyes, and a horn made of pure gold. This horn contains a magic scroll with the information on how to attain world peace in our time (NOTE: YOU MUST KILL THE UNICORN TO GET THAT AWESOME SCROLL. Ironic, no? You’ve got a difficult decision ahead of you.) (7% more likely)

If this is an actual job post, someone needs to stage a texting intervention. More likely, this ad was either posted by an frazzled, overworked drug dealer with an out-of-the-box approach to recruitment, or else the “Can you hear me now?” guy is looking to delegate some busywork. Either way… u shld prbly avoid this job.

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