When Every Room Is The Ladies Room

Niagra FallsSo you’ve settled in, you’ve got your cup of coffee, and you’re once again browsing through the job listings… man, it’s all the same, right? Like, job after job, they all just blend in to one another…it’s like, you can barely keep your eyes open, it’s so dull—

OH MY GOD YOU STARTLED ME, JOB POST SUBJECT LINE!! With your bizarre message, obviously, but also with your ALL CAPS and your terrifyingly urgent punctuation!!!?!!!

Now, to answer your question… No. I am not. Thank goodness. It sounds both unsanitary and dehydrating.

Obviously the choice of “constantly” instead of “frequently” is problematic, but even better is the phrasing:

Not: ”Are you a woman who is constantly urinating?”

But: “Are you a woman constantly urinating?”

It sounds like a Van Gogh painting (most likely “Woman Constantly Urinating” preceded his better-known “Nude Woman Reclining“) But it would also make a fantastic Native American name! ‘Dances-With-Wolves’ is poetic, sure, but not nearly as helpful or specific as ‘Woman-Constantly-Urinating’. Because let’s be honest, it doesn’t really matter if she’s a delightful conversationalist, or makes a killer coffee cake: you should probably think twice about having ‘Woman-Constantly-Urinating’ over for brunch. Or at least invest in some tarps and plastic furniture covers first.

If you are, in fact, a woman constantly urinating, here is a link to the full job post You might actually want to look into this. Try not to short circuit your keyboard whilst typing your reply.

Everyone else: avoid this job. And if you’re wearing leather/open-toed shoes, avoid the women applying for it as well.

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5 Responses to When Every Room Is The Ladies Room

  1. Danielle says:

    I would love to have an off-putting Native-American name like Woman-Constantly-Urinating. That would certainly make it easier to avoid creepy people like the the Pomeranian owner from the “Doggie Day Care” post.

  2. Lea says:

    But then again, it might not. The Creepy Pomeranian Owner might figure that you and Rocky would be performing the same task. Constantly. For three hours.

  3. AvoidThisJob says:

    Yup. Sadly, when it comes to Craigslist, constant-urination is not always a minus…. there are people who would pay good money for that….

  4. Danielle says:

    Oh you’re both so right. I should have thought of that before…I guess you really never win.

  5. Withheld (to protect myself) says:

    I actually had a friend whose full-blooded cherokee uncle gave him an Indian name in an official ceremony.
    the name?
    Farting Dog.
    I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone, but it was so appropriate :D