Oompa Loompa Position

Caution: in-depth and/or repeated readings of this ad might cause you to emerge with a quiet malaise and a sense that the world is tragically off-course, our future in the hands of deeply stupid, insensitive people who are somehow managing to flail their way through a higher education. Or not.

Oompa Loompa Job

Highlights:

  • The idea of an Oompa Loompa “position” being available.
  • The bizarre suggestion that there are several out-of-work dwarfs
    wandering around with spare Oompa Loompa costumes at the ready, and a burning desire to drive out to your college and pose with drunk partygoers for $75.

  • The initial request for “two Oompa Loompas.” Not two people dressed as Oompa Loompas. No. TWO OOMPA LOOMPAS. One suspects these sorority sisters might, in private and amongst friends, use the phrase “Oompa Loompa” interchangeably with “dwarf” or “little person”:

Sorority Sister #1: “LOL u guyz, you know what would be TOTES AWESOME? If we got some of those oompa loompas to run around at one of our parties!”

Sorority Sister #2:”You mean a little person? That seems kind of offensive, it might–”

Sorority Sister #1:”Yeah, those little people! Oompa loompas!”

Sorority Sister #2:”Um, I think you maybe mean a dwarf? Oompa loompas aren’t real.”

Sorority Sister #3: [HEARTBROKEN] They’re not??

Sorority Sister #1: “WHAT-EVS you guys, we’ll paint some of those weird midgets orange! It will be soooooooooo funny LOLOLOL!!!”

Sorority Sister #3: But will they still bring candy??

Sorority Sister #1: YES!!!

Sorority Sister #2: You two might be mentally disabled.

Sorority Sisters #1 and #3: LOL TOTALLY

——-

Oompa Loompa doompadah dee, if you are wise you’ll listen to me: avoid this job.

Oompa Loomp Job

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5 Responses to Oompa Loompa Position

  1. Caroline says:

    “The bizarre suggestion that there are several out-of-work dwarfs wandering around with spare Oompa Loompa costumes at the ready, and a burning desire to drive out to your college and pose with drunk partygoers for $75.”
    Um. Yes. This is a HUGE industry for Little People. I wrote my undergraduate thesis on it (seriously: http://lpimages.atspace.com).
    Not that, you know, MOST Little People are willing to do work like this, but there are plenty of wannabe actors who can’t get legitimate work because of prejudice against their size & have to resort to crap like this.

  2. AvoidThisJob says:

    Yeah, sadly, after googling for images for the post, I realized there really is a market for this work… Thankfully most people doing it professionally charge a LOT more… I remain weirded out by the low pay & insistence on bringing their own costume…. It just seems so insulting… they’re not even asking for a skill worker (clown, magician, whatever), just someone to… what? LOOK at? So offensive.

  3. Danielle says:

    It doesn’t surprise me that a sorority is asking for this, but I had to laugh at the request for “two oompa loompas”, and not two human beings.

  4. Alyxmyself says:

    The introductory paragraph for this post may be the funniest thing I have ever read. Deep belly chuckle that emananeted from me actually made my cramps feel better.
    So there’s that.

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