The Worst Way To Party Like A Rock Star

Let us, for just a moment, talk once again about the qualities of a rock star.

Rock stars are…

Talented? Occasionally.
Alcohol (ab)users? Often.
Eating disordered? Often.
Raging narcissists? Often.
Drug (ab)users? Often.
Promiscuous? Often.
Excellent providers of high-quality childcare services? Emphatically not.

And yet…

Nanny Rock Stars
First of all, please, for the love of God, get a handle on your comma usage. This ad reads like it was dictated by a hiccuping William Shatner while he rode a horse sidesaddle.

Secondly, starting any sentence “Think about it,” is just obnoxious. The ‘thinking about it’ will generally follow the ‘reading about it’. No need to make a special thinking request. Think about it.

Now, at first blush, this ad looks like you are offering nannying services FOR rock stars, which is obviously a brilliant idea. Play dates, wardrobe changes, rocking them gently to sleep while they defecate in their pants and cry their eyes out… the “rock star nanny” is long-overdue, a role previously and inadequately filled by drunken underage groupies and toadying managers.  But unfortunately it quickly becomes clear you are looking for ‘rock stars’ to do actual nannying of actual babies. Too bad.

Look: we get it. We understand people have begun to think the phrase “rock star” is synonomous with the words “talented” or “awesome”. But it isn’t. It is not. The English language is rich and vast and mouth-wateringly complex. We’ve got helpful words like ‘gifted’, ‘brilliant’, ‘consummate’, ‘skilled’, ‘experienced’, and ‘accomplished’… try one of those on for size. Nice, right? Classy and elegant, like a well-tailored suit. Doesn’t that feel better than the hollow, spangly, sweat-soaked costume of a ‘rock star’? Especially when draped over the body of a noble profession like child-care? And has this “clothing” analogy gone on at least three sentences too long? It sure has. MAKE IT WORK, PEOPLE.

We here at Avoid This Job are keenly aware that this is a losing battle, and that one day all jobs will be described using variations on this insipid theme. But as a society, can’t we try a little harder to keep our seething fame-lust out of everyday conversation? Won’t you do your part to avert the coming wordpocalypse? Let’s leave rock stars to the rockstarring, and nannies to the nannying, and while we’re at it, let’s maybe just erase the word ‘guru’ from the English language entirely.

Oh, and in the meantime, let’s collectively avoid this job.

William Shatner on a Horse

 

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One Response to The Worst Way To Party Like A Rock Star

  1. Kits says:

    Shouldn’t the nanny have at least a higher literacy level than the children they’re supposed to be watching?

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