Almost Famous

This is just… sad.

“Band Looking For Girls” –  great band name.

“Band Looking For Girls” – great memoir name.

“Band Looking For Girls” – heartbreaking job posting name.

The question that immediately comes to mind is: how unbelievably shitty must your band be that you have to ADVERTISE for groupies (or girlfriends?) Something is very wrong here. This ad was posted in Los Angeles, a city filled with millions of people who fit your precise, exacting specifications (that rare breed: girls who want to “have fun” and “meet new people”). Come on. It’s HOLLYWOOD. At least 20% of the girls in question undoubtedly have yet to work through the insecurity, narcissism, body image and daddy issues that brought them to that great city! In other words: they are ideal candidates. So what is the hold up, fellas? You shouldn’t be able to walk two steps from your filthy shared apartment without tripping over girls to exploit. They’re L.A.’s number one import! And export!

Your apparent fear of punctuation is depressing, your inability to describe in ANY way the type of music you play is odd, but your sincerity in the face of craigslist is almost… admirable. The child-like optimism of that closing line is downright charming. The ad itself? 15% charming, 45% sad, 40% desperate. Because let’s face it: getting random girls to “rock out” at your gigs is kind of step one in the “Let’s start a band!” thing. Many would say it is the ONLY step. So where are you guys going wrong?

We hate to break it to you, but in every mid-size city in America there are guys in their forties playing bass in bar cover bands on Thursday nights who manage to get one or two groupie-like hangers on, or have their chain-smoking girlfriends sell their CDs at the back of the room. Seriously, we’re talking about guys who look like badly aging, obese versions of Zach Braff, guys who are delinquent on their child support payments to four different women, guys who have never had sex with a sober woman in their lives. But they are STILL managing to use the 15 yard radius of their “celebrity” to get free labor/get laid. Without resorting to job postings on craigslist.

Our advice to the poster(s)? Get offline, get on stage, and figure out how to start taking advantage of girls in REAL life! Rock on!

Our advice to everyone else (girls included)? Avoid this band, avoid this “job”.

Almost Famous

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One Response to Almost Famous

  1. Fanboy Wife says:

    There’s no way I’d hang out with them, but I do want to proofread their ad!

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