For all of the fears, complaints and concerns about the current state of America’s educational system, it’s important to note that this country continues to foster and encourage some of the greatest minds in the world. Geniuses abound, people like Noam Chomsky, Bill Gates, whoever invented Take Five candy bars…
…oh, and this guy:
Sure. Why not? All those years of schooling may have failed you, but thank God there is a central hub of intelligent discourse on the internet. A virtual research library in cyberspace, where the world’s greatest minds congregate to share their intellect and insight. It is, of course, known as CRAIGSLIST.
Yes, craigslist, where you can barely go a few Debye lengths without running smack dab into a plasma physicist. Sure, you might interrupt his desperate Casual Encounters search, (“Looking for NSA oral. MUST HAVE stumpy toes. I can offer 420 and a lecture on on Birkeland currents in the Earth’s aurora & plasma filaments. NO FATTIES.”), but after he’s done I’m sure he would totally love to help you work through that problem set.
Plasma physicists: please avoid this job. If the future of plasma physics rests in the hands of someone whose first instinct is to turn to craigslist for answers, our country/planet/galaxy is doomed.
Everyone else: just know that PRETZEL + PEANUT BUTTER + CHOCOLATE + CARAMEL is the answer to the question you never even knew you asked.
Thanks to Caroline for this submission!